Perfect
by JoeyPocke
Summary: Kurt Hummel just wants to be perfect.  He wants his father to be proud of him, and for Blaine to be in love with him.    Warning: Self-Harm, Eating Disorders, Possible Triggers, Language.
1. Chapter One

**I do not own Glee. This takes place after Blame It On The Alcohol and Silly Love Songs.**

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><p>Kurt had been feeling distant from his family lately. He still went to Dalton, but even when he visited on the weekends it felt as though they had all of these family bonding times together and inside jokes that he wouldn't understand because he wasn't there the majority of the time. So when he came home one weekend to find out that his father, step-mother, and step-brother had gone out of town without telling him he really wanted to feel shocked and sad and surprised. But honestly, he just felt tired.<p>

He wanted to call someone. Someone outside of his family. Someone he could just vent to. He sat in his old room, still kept nice and neat, going through his contact list, thinking of someone to call.

Blaine. No, Blaine probably still thinks he's a creep after the whole Jeremiah incident where Kurt professed his love to Blaine just to be turned down.

Mercedes. No, Mercedes and him haven't been as close lately. He could call her, but he would just feel shy and awkward.

Quinn. Well, he had gotten really close with Quinn after she had moved in with Mercedes, but now she was back with her mother and head-cheerio again, and way too popular for him.

Rachel. He was still mad at Rachel after the whole I-Kissed-The-Guy-That-I-Know-You-Are-In-Love-With-thing.

_No wonder he didn't have any friends to talk to. Have you seen him lately?_

_Blaine would rather convince himself that he's straight and kiss the most annoying girl in Ohio than even be seen with him._

_Mercedes would rather have gross cafeteria food over him.  
><em>

_Quinn never really liked him at all anyways._

_Rachel would hate him enough to back stab him._

_His dad could easily and happily have Finn over Kurt.  
><em>

_Carole never liked him either, she just felt sorry that the creepy gay kid had a crush on her son._

_Finn still hated Kurt for liking him. He made that very obvious after the whole incident in the basement. And his song at the wedding was obviously a lie, he just did it so his mom could be happy for once._

"Stop," Kurt said to himself, "That isn't true and you know it."

_But it is,_ his mind told him. And he had to agree with his head. He was worthless. Unwanted. He just wanted all of the pain to go away.

_All of this thinking is making my head hurt, _he thought to himself. Kurt went down to the kitchen and opened the medicine cabinet. He took two Tylenol for his slight headache. Then, he decided, _Maybe just two more. To take the edge off. _"No," He said aloud, "No, I'm not going to do that. I can't."

He was still feeling pretty upset. Well, pretty depressed to be more like it, so he did what always made him feel a little bit better. He watched old home videos.

_I wish I could be normal again, _He thought. _ I wish that my mom was still alive. I wish that I could be the perfect son. I would be straight. I would have the perfect body, a nice build, but not bulky, just enough muscle that he could be a star football player. Like his dad wanted. Like everyone wanted._

_Everyone wanted him to be perfect. His dad wanted him to be just like Finn. Blaine wanted him to be more attractive. Finn wanted him to be less gay. The Glee Club wanted him to be less of a wimp. To just tough it out. The bullying really wasn't that bad. Just some locker slams, slushie facials, the usual. Oh, and the death threat. And the kiss._

_God, only a closeted freak wanted him. He was pathetic._

_Maybe he could make himself more attractive. More popular. More desirable. _

_Skinnier._

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><p>Kurt went to sleep that night after doing some major thinking. The next morning he knew what he had to do. First he would start off simple. He would buy some diet pills from the pharmacy and maybe cut down on the junk food.<p>

That would be a good start.

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><p>He drove to the Krogers down the street and picked up some diet pills and some special low-calorie nutrigrain bars. As soon as he got home he took one pill with water and ate one of the nutrigrain bars. He was about to watch reruns of Grey's Anatomy when his phone vibrated.<p>

He checked the caller I.D. Dad. He really didn't want to answer the phone. It was his dad. The same dad who had replaced him with his dream son. Straight, star quarterback. The same dad who replace his mother, too. Now he had a new, better family. He didn't need Kurt anymore.

Kurt threw his phone against the China Cabinet and watched as the glass shattered down the middle. _I wouldn't be here right now if I were perfect, _he thought._ I would be with Dad and Finn and Carole and I wouldn't have to go to Dalton because everyone would have loved me at McKinley. _

"Why can't I just be fucking perfect?" Kurt said, crying. He grabbed a piece of the broken glass and started to slice his wrist. He watched in awe as the blood trickled down his arm. He took the piece of glass and cut again, a few inches away from the gash he just made. He leaned his head against the couch and slowly drifted out of consciousness.

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><p>Kurt woke up his head, arm, neck, and back throbbing. <em>That's it, <em>He decided. _I can't have anymore nights like this. I am going to start being less pathetic. I am going to win over my dad, and Blaine, and the Warblers, and New Directions, and all of McKinley._

"I am going to be perfect."

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><p><strong>So should I continue? I know that this isn't very good so far, but I promise it will get better as I go on! I have great plans for this story!<strong>

**Please review! I will take any suggestions for the next chapters, but please no hate!**


	2. Chapter Two

****I do not own Glee. This takes place after Blame It On The Alcohol and Silly Love Songs.****

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><p>Kurt put some bandages on his arms from the cuts from the night before and quickly cleaned up all of the broken glass from the now ruined china cabinet. He came up with a logical excuse as to why it was shattered, <em>I tripped because the lights were off and then when I was trying to clean up the mess I accidentally cut my arm. <em>Yeah, he decided, that's what he would say.

He took two Tylenol and two of his new diet pills then took a nap without eating breakfast or lunch. Kurt was lying in his neatly made bed when he heard someone come through the front door. "Hello?" _Great, _Kurt thought, _My dad is home. __He'll see the mess that I made of the China cabinet and then he'll really hate me. I'm a failure. _"Kurt, are you in there?" Burt said, knocking gently on Kurt's bedroom door. "I tried calling you last night but you didn't answer."

"Yeah, sorry dad," Kurt said through the door.

"Do you know what happened to the China closet?"

"Um, yeah I tripped and fell into the glass door. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to, the lights were off, and the-"

"Kurt, it's okay, it was an accident. You didn't get hurt at all, did you?"

"Uh, n-no not really," Kurt said, shakily.

"What do you mean not really? Either you got hurt or you didn't."

"Um, I just uh, my-my arm got cut a little, that's all. I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure, Kurt?"

"Positive."

"If you say so," Burt said, walking back downstairs.

Kurt took a nap, and a little bit later Carole called from downstairs to Kurt. "Kurt, dinner's almost ready."

"I-I think I'm just going to stay in bed, but thank you, Carole. I'm just not really feeling very well."

"Are you sure, Kurt?

"Yes, I'm fine, I'm just not that hungry."

"Well I'll make some soup, it'll be on the stove if you want to re-heat it later."

"Thanks, Carole I might get some later," Kurt said, shakily. _That's just great. Now everyone's trying to fatten me up. As if I'm not already gross enough. I'm going to be such a disappointment. Everyone must hate me. _

Kurt fell back asleep after that and at around ten p.m. Finn came up to his room and knocked loudly on the door. "Kurt! Hey, I haven't seen you in like, forever! Come downstairs!"

_I bet he's just saying that so he can see just how awful you really look. He'll act nice enough around you, but just wait. I bet that's what they were all talking about the whole weekend. Just how pathetic you truly are._

"I'm not feeling well, Finn. I'll play video games with you another night."

"Are you sure? You don't even want something to eat?"

_Look at him mocking me. Taunting me with the thought of eating, right in front of my face._

"No, Finn, I would really just like to be alone right now," Kurt said, raspy and quiet.

"Are you sure you don't want some company? You sure don't sound too good."

"Finn just leave me alone!"

"Geez, you got it then," Finn said, walking back downstairs.

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><p>Kurt woke up the next morning, a Sunday, sprawled across his bed, head aching, stomach rumbling, and wrists stinging. He didn't hear the usually bustle downstairs from his parents and brother, so he heedfully walked down the hall and peeked his head down the stairs. No one was in the living room so he made his way delicately into the kitchen. He saw a note on the counter,<p>

_**Kurt, we are going to the Finn's football game. We didn't want to wake you since you weren't feeling good and you don't like football anyway. Call if you need anything.**_

Kurt decided that if his family didn't need him, well he didn't need them either. He was going to show them what they were missing out on. He was going to be perfect. Skinny, athletic, with friends and possibly a boyfriend. He will be perfect, no matter what it takes._  
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><p>I am so sorry! I had most of this chapter written out about a week after I had posted the first one, but then I had a terrible writer's block and well... Anyway, it's summer so that means no school, which means more time to write which means more updates! Yay!<p>

Thank you ALL so much for your beautiful reviews and suggestions! I love them, they really make my day!

I promise to update soon, hopefully!


	3. Chapter Three

****I do not own Glee. This takes place after Blame It On The Alcohol and Silly Love Songs.****

****Just in case you haven't realized it yet when things are written in _Italics _it means it's the conversation inside Kurt's head.  
><strong>**

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><p>Kurt went back up to his room and slept some more after reading the note from his so-called "family." It seemed as if all he did anymore was sleep.<p>

_That's because you're useless. Why do you even go on living? No one will ever want you, you gross cow._

"That's not true," Kurt said aloud. "I'm going to prove to all of them that I'm not worthless." He contemplated changing into his blue, satin pajamas, but settled on an old pair of loose sweatpants and a t-shirt. _I don't deserve to wear nice things. I don't deserve nice things at all. Why do you think none of your friends talk to you? What about Blaine? Nice things are for pretty people._

"Then I'll become pretty. I'll be fucking perfect. Everyone will want me," Kurt said, drowsily before he took some NyQuil and fell asleep.

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><p>Kurt woke up later that Saturday when he heard his family trailing up the stairs from the basement, chatting amiably about some of the players. Kurt heard bits and pieces of their conversations, mainly when they were talking about how great Finn is. It's always 'Finn this' and 'Finn that' nowadays. Whatever. Kurt doesn't need them. They'll be crawling back to him, just wait. <em>But you know you want them to love you. You <strong>need <strong>them._ "I don't! I don't need them!" Kurt said, rather loudly, to himself.

"Kurt, are you up there?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'll be there down in a minute."

"Are you on the phone? Who were you talking to?"

"No one dad, Mercedes had a question. I'll be downstairs in a second."

"Okay, anything you want for dinner?"

"No, I just ate a little bit ago, I'm not hungry."

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I'm fine."

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><p><strong>I do plan on finishing this story, even if it takes me a little while, I'm posting another chapter later tonight, I think since this one is so short. <strong>

**Tell me if you like it, reviews are like crack to me!  
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**Tell me any suggestions, too either in a private message or in a review I will try to get back to you! Thanks for reading!  
><strong>


	4. Chapter Four

****I do not own Glee. This takes place after Blame It On The Alcohol and Silly Love Songs.****

****Just in case you haven't realized it yet when things are written in _Italics _it means it's the conversation inside Kurt's head.****

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><p>j"I just worry about him."<p>

"Trust me, I've known him for over sixteen years, he's just going through some stuff, he should be fine soon."

Carole, Burt, and Finn were sitting at the kitchen table talking about Kurt while he was upstairs, sleeping again.

"What kind of stuff do you mean?" Finn asked, looking slightly disturbed.

"The whole thing with the bullies at McKinley, starting at Dalton. I mean being a new student anywhere is hard, Finn, especially at a school as that's as far away and as tough on it's students as Dalton," Carole said.

"Well I'll make sure to keep an eye on him but I think he's just stressing. He takes things too seriously sometimes. Kid needs to let loose every once in a while," Burt said, getting up from the table.

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><p>Later that night when Kurt came down from his room Carole cornered him in the living room. "Kurt, are you feeling okay?"<p>

"Yes, just fine, why?"

"You've just been different lately. You've been sleeping an awful lot, you haven't really been eating, you just seem really stressed."

"Well I am, I'm sorry I can't exactly help it," Kurt said, snippily.

"You have every right to be, Kurt. We know that with everything that's been going on this year it might be very stressful for you. We get that. We just don't understand why you're pushing everyone away. We're you're family, Kurt, we just want to help you."

Kurt mumbled something under his breath, then decided that Carole meant the best, save the sass for Finn and his dad. "You're right. I have been pushing everyone away. I'll ask for help next time if I need it. Thank you Carole." Kurt walked back out of the room, narrowly avoiding Finn and Burt coming in the room to watch the game.

Carole considered going after him, to try and get him to talk some more, but settled on letting him get away. He'll decide when he needs help, he _is _almost seventeen. He'll know when to ask for help, right?

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><p><strong>Thank you to all who follow this story. I would appreciate it if you reviewed, they make my day! <strong>

**I now pretty much understand how to work tumblr, so feel free to follow me! My name is **reachthekitchen dot tumblr dot com**  
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****Also, sorry for how short this chapter is, it was supposed to go along with the last one but I wasn't completely finished with it and I wanted to post the chapters as soon as possible.  
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****I hope to have the next one up soon! Reviews really encourage me! ;)  
><strong>**


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own glee.

The parts written in _Italics _are the conversations in Kurt's head.

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><p>The rest of the weekend went by with Kurt hiding away in his room as much as possible and Carole fretting over him. Kurt still hadn't eaten anything since Friday night and he felt great. Well, better than how he had felt Friday, that is.<p>

Kurt decided to go back to Dalton early. They kept trying to fatten him up here and it was bothersome. He made his way downstairs to see his family all gathered around the TV in the living room.

"Hi, Kurt," Carole said, "Feeling any better?"

"No, I was actually going to go back to Dalton now."

"But it's only Saturday, buddy. You were supposed to stay with us all weekend," Burt said, eyes still glued to the game playing on the TV.

"Well I forgot that I still had an essay due for History and I left my textbook in my dorm," Kurt said, thinking up a quick lie.

"Are you sure? You can go back tomorrow afternoon, right? Come and watch this game with us, it's really good," Burt said, patting the spot on the couch next to him.

"It's a really long paper and I don't want to be stressing over it just the night before."

"Okay, bud. We'll miss you," Burt said, standing up to hug his slim son. "Carole made soup for you if you want to eat some before you go."

"That's okay, I'll probably eat something at Dalton later when I'm feeling better."

"If you're sure, scooter."

"I'm fine." Kurt said.

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><p><em>They're glad you're gone. They don't need you. I bet they're celebrating the fact that you finally went back to school. Now they can be the perfect family. Without <strong>you<strong> in the picture.  
><em>

"That's not true," Kurt said aloud, punching the steering wheel.

_Keep telling yourself that, Kurtie. You obviously know that your family is better off without you._

"Once I'm perfect I'll fit right in. You'll see."

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><p>Sorry once again that this chapter is so short, I just wanted to get some sort of update, even if it is small, out.<p>

Thank you to everyone who followed, favorited, and especially reviewed!

If you have any suggestions or critique just leave it in a review, a PM, or you can go to my tumblr! It's reachthekitchenDOTtumblrDOTc om


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